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sex and single christiansMany people believe that once you become a Christian all of your problems disappear, and that you live in some utopian bliss that’s reserved for those called to Christ. They seem to believe that you will remain that way until Jesus calls you from labor to reward.

Uh…No.

The reality is that salvation does NOT make you deaf dumb and blind to your past. In fact, that’s just when Satan jumps into the fray, and begins to assault your brand new faith. He causes you to look wistfully at those things you’ve had to give up and makes you blind to all that you are gaining by letting go of the world.

Sex and Single Christians

Single Christians have a harder time, I think, adjusting to a new life in Christ. There are things in their pasts that may still hold some appeal. My biggie? Sex.

Yes, single Christians are to refrain from having sex outside the bonds of marriage and to remain chaste in body and mind until such time. Yep, Bummer.

I like sex, at least what I remember of it. I thought it was the best thing since sliced bread, and really couldn’t fathom having to give it up. I mean, God created sex for mankind’s enjoyment. He must have known that we would take Him up on His gift. Right? So at the beginning of my life in Christ, I became fixated on sex, and on the fact that I could no longer have it. Being single and Christian got complicated. Fast.

I became fixated on the fact that I could not have sex, as a Christian single adult. So naturally, I started to have lots of it. I knew, from my studies, that sin separates us from God. It’s because it’s the exact opposite of His nature. He hates it. (Psalms 5:4) He’s holy, and it’s what He’s known for. (Isaiah 6:3) I thoroughly abused my religious freedom in Christ. I abused the gift of grace for my pleasure. The guilt, however, soon started to catch up with me. I knew that my sinful actions hindered my fellowship God. God is absolutely holy. To have fellowship with Him, is to walk in the light, as He is in the light. I kept telling myself that I as soon as I got the hang of being single and Christian, everything would work out. I just needed time to get sex out of my system, then I would repent and things would be OK. Yeah.

On Singles Ministry

Though having sex regularly, I still went to church, participated in the Christian singles ministry, I sang songs, paid my tithes and took communion. The ministries encouraged us to surround ourselves with Christian friends, and date Christian men and women. I soon found out that there were a few single Christians, like me, who had trouble maintaining their purity. I was going to the singles ministry meetings hoping to find my soul mate, someone who would marry me and take away my guilt. I lived a life outwardly as one who had overcome the world, but my life had never stopped being what it was before I gave my life to Christ.

So why don’t singles ministries address the problem of sexual purity? It felt like a taboo subject. No one ever posed any questions, and the ministry leader never brought it up. I mean, I get all the ‘Thou Shalt Not’ references in scripture, but it just seems that as a single Christian, someone would be honest about their own struggle with celibacy.

On the Consequences

Again, I never stopped attending church or participating in any activities. As I listened to sermons and read my bible, I begin to understand the plan God has for His children. Satan made me feel as if my old life was better than the one I was pursuing. I felt that those, who were outside of the body of Christ, were in fact free and I was a slave.

The Holy Spirit was working with me and began to show me what sex outside of a covenant relationship was doing in my life. I kept studying the word of God and read scriptures on sexual immorality, and the Holy Spirit revealed what that sin was doing to me. He brought out my true motives for having sex, and how that affected aspects of my life. He taught me that:

  • I felt compelled to have sex. I thought that I had to have sex with a man to catch him and to keep him. If I refused- He walked away.
  • It caused emotional scars. Sexual relations without the benefit of marriage, took its emotional toll on me. Having sex just to keep a man lowers your self-esteem and confidence.
  • It jeopardized my physical health. I wasn’t always smart about sexual health and didn’t always take precautions.
  • It ruined my testimony. I could not share my faith with the men I dated. They didn’t take me seriously, especially after sex… None that I know of have accepted Jesus as their Savior. I have always wondered if I’m directly responsible for that.

I stopped having sex- eventually. The Holy Spirit’s direction led me to real understanding about the wonders of sex in its proper place. I learned about God’s intent for sex and marriage and how He blesses us as we submit to His plan for us. Stick around as I show what scripture taught me about holy sex, and follow me on my journey of divine development in Single Saved and No Sex-Period Part 2

 

Are you struggling with sex and singleness in your Christian walk? How have you mastered this part of your faith journey? Sign up for the Single Saved and Sex Free Newsletter and begin a lifestyle of Passion Purpose and Purity!