As societal power grows inside the church, Christian singles have become as numbed to premarital sex as the rest of the world. Christlike values have taken a back seat to mainstream media. Who doesn’t know unmarried Christians who indulge in sex or porn?
Christian singles have taken on the attitude of the world when it comes to sex. They indulge without regret. Being single is a great privilege and responsibility for God.
There is no shame in keeping God’s word and preserving your sexual purity. Sex outside of marriage leads to many unwanted issues, such as:
and other problems as well
But we must remember that God who loves us and created the beautiful act of sex, is also the final judge on it’s use and purpose.
Here is a video from Covenant Eyes that talks about lies society tells singles about sex.
Just recently I made a huge mistake and sinned against God. I have been devastated and have held on to this feeling of utter remorse. Just kind of beating myself up. Though I know better, I still beat myself up for failing again. I had thought I was past this particular failing, but I did not stay diligent with my thoughts. It caused me to stumble into sin.
As a young Christian, my first thought after I had done something wrong, was that the Lord could not possibly forgive me or love my imperfect self. Or sometimes I would literally lie on the bed in fear waiting for God to strike me with lightning! As an adult, I still find myself touching on those old thoughts, briefly, on my way to the foot of God’s throne. I know that grace and mercy lives there for me.
So how about you? Do you feel somewhere inside of you that you are not good enough to receive God’s love? Maybe you believe that your sins are so horrible that the Lord does not really forgive you. 1 John 1:9 says that if we confess our sins God is Faithful and Just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Our Father forgives.
How Do You Know That He Loves You?
When one man sinned in the Garden of Eden, all men were made to pay the price! It was a harsh penalty, but it was just. It broke the Master’s heart that He could no longer walk hand in hand in the evenings with His creation. Man was eternally separated from Him! But He had a plan that would redeem humanity back to Himself through the sacrifice of His only Son Jesus!
Jesus was despised and rejected by men. He was arrested beaten and hung on a cross. So that He could become sin for us. That sin was crucified on the cross. It was a horrible death. Nails were hammered in his hands and feet, pierced in his side, and a crown of thorns placed on his head. Jesus died for the world, but he would have died even if it was just for you.
That’s how much #God loves you and me. If you want to really know how much He loves you, seek Him through prayer and His word. You will begin to draw so much closer through consistent intimate time with Him.
Do you feel that God doesn’t really love you at times? Join the conversation and share your story!
The Self Help and Personal Development industries does an 11 billion dollar business in annual sales. That’s in the US alone. The industry promises people easy ‘change your life’ programs that lead to instantly fulfilled lives.The Self Help industry is like an octopus with tentacles. Each tentacle is a class in the industry, such as time management, weight loss, relationships, self-esteem ,goal setting, and self-esteem, to name a few. The class is then segmented into seminars, workshops, books and DVD’s etc.The Self Help and Personal Development industry seems recession proof and has survived a lot of scandals, scams, and plain unimaginative fair.
I don’t knock personal development at all. It’s needed! I’ve bought many kits that promise to help me stay motivated and overcome procrastination . I wanted to set goals that were manageable and wanted to drop excuses from my life. And the personal growth ideas self-help programs promised have sometimes helped me. My personal development is important; uncompromisingly so. The problems with current industry market is that so many people are not getting better. It is statistically proven that anyone who buys any self-help material, will buy again within 18 months. The industry makes people feel as if they need perfection. The problem is that there is no perfection program-period! I discovered this the hard way. I searched for so long to find some program that would help my personal growth and to help me to stop falling back into the same destructive patterns all over again. Nothing helped for long. BUT…
What if you could find a program that has proven itself. What if you could find a system that has been time-tested and the proofs are irrefutable? I know of a book that promises to perfect your personal growth, to reshape your subconscious mind. It is the perfect answer to stress management, and shows you the path for achieving goals. This book will define purpose and develop talents. There is no better motivational speaker than the author of this book and its time-tested program guarantees to change your life. I’m talking about the Bible! The Bible is the original self-help manual, and has changed lives for thousands of years. God, through scripture, devised a personal growth strategy that has been proven to work. You can leverage the power of His living word and know the power of His unconditional love and grace. The catch is that He requires that you exchange self-help for God’s help.He wants your self-confidence to turn into godly confidence and personal growth into spiritual growth. The Bible’s life coaching program requires trust and faith in Him.He will do those things that you want, but you must allow Him to purpose you for Himself. Divinely Developed is a platform that uses the divine wisdom of God to help shape and reshape the lives of women. We believe that through scripture and positive faith steps, that any woman can meet her personal and spiritual dreams. Through the use of biblical principles, focused study, and positive action, your life will begin to change for the better. We don’t promise over night success or easy fixes. Growth is difficult. I attest that self-help is NOT the best help. With God’s word at your finger tips you will begin to see the direction He wants you to go for personal growth and beyond. What do you thinks about self help? What about God’s divine help? Join the conversation. I would love to hear your views.
Single ladies our time is NOW! Too many times we, as singles, sit back in the shadows. We have a tendency to allow our single status to define us instead of relishing our whole selves. Singleness is only a part of who we are. As Christian singles, we REALLY have something to shout about. God is using our episode of ‘The Single Life’ for His purpose. We have a HUGE reason to celebrate singleness. We celebrate because this is the time God has given to us to be what He wants us to be. God has given us this season to learn how to surrender completely to Him. When in a relationship, it is easy to become wrapped up in our mate, that God can become a distant second…or even third in our life. Right now, our concentration is NOT divided, so our obedient response to His call is not hindered. Right now, we have the enthusiasm to be devoted servants. God teaches us to serve and to become mature in spiritual things. As single ladies, this is a great benefit. And on a side note, being mature in Christ, is very appealing to the RIGHT man!
So now that we know that there are more than a few reasons to celebrate our single life, how do we celebrate it?
With Extreme Self Care
We can’t do much of ANYTHING if we don’t take great care of ourselves! God gave us this body and this time. We are a steward of both, so we must be wise in caring for them. Let us get enough sleep, and to eat well. It’s good for the body! Exercise.
Spending Time With God.
Spending time with God is essential if we want to grow in our faith. By reading and meditating on His word. We will not be easily shaken by the swift changes in life. Life changes quickly.
Spending Time With Yourself
So maybe this sounds like a recipe for loneliness , but I assure you that it’s a prerequisite as single ladies. (For Some reason, I hear Beyoncé! ) Knowing who we are and what we want from life is necessary for personal growth.
Spending Time with Family and Friends
Romantic relationships have a tendency to take up lots of time. As single-in-Christ women we have the opportunity to delve deeper into other significant relationships. Remember, the people who have always been there for us…will always be there for us.
Spontaneity is an awesome thing! We can do we want without the prior approval of a significant other. That’s pretty liberating! Go get that Gucci, girl!
Committing To Ministry
This is pretty important. All of us should take part in ministry as Christ followers. It is essential for spiritual growth, needed for personal growth, it is commanded in scripture. Matthew 28:19, tells us that we have a duty to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ. There are so many people who don’t know Jesus. This is our chance to help those who are hurting and need the Risen Savior.
Let’s go exploring! The world is our oyster! This a great time to explore new and different opportunities. None can know what’s out there in the great unknown until we take a step forward.
Volunteering is a wonderful way to stretch ourselves and a way to help people. It is also an opportunity to experience life through different lenses.
Get A Hobby
Get creative! As single women, we have to get all the wheels turning and creative juices flowing! By getting a hobby, we can relieve stress, meet new accomplishments, and just plain have fun!
Sometimes we block our own blessings by holding on to things that should have been released long ago. By letting go of past hurt caused by others, we allow blessings to flow into our lives. Forgiving others allow us to overcome feelings of anger and bitterness. Letting go of those feelings gives God room to be God for us.
Forgiving someone who has hurt you is one of the hardest things that you can ever do. Click To Tweet Period. Even when you KNOW that there are strong reasons to let go of the pain and bitterness – you don’t. Holding on to hurt will not allow you to move forward without getting lost again in those same old hurts. Please believe that you are not alone in this feeling. There is not a lot of understanding about the nature of forgiveness.It is reported that the most common reasons people fail to forgive is that they feel the perpetrator is getting away clean. Or that forgiving requires forgetting. That’s really not the case. Firstly, forgiving someone doesn’t let that person off the hook for bad behavior. It’s OK. Be mad about being mistreated. It’s your right. If you knowingly and deliberately hold someone captive by withholding forgiveness, it is wrong.. Trying to retaliate against the person who wronged you is also not a right. No one is expecting you to forget anything either. How do you learn from the experience if you forget? How do you learn to forgive if you forget? How can you revitalize your personal growth or teach others to forgive if you forget?
Forgiving someone for doing you wrong, is really not about THEM – it’s about YOU! Continued resentment caused by someone who dampened your confidence, wounded your pride, disappointed you, or damaged something you consider valuable, will rob you of happiness. It is a challenge to move forward. When you hold on to grudges it causes you to see your world in a negative light. It becomes harder to get inspiration and to find positive experiences when the seeds of resentment are present. Resentments cause conflict in other areas of your life as well. It disintegrates relationships. Resentment is emotionally draining and it affects your wellness over time. Forgiving is the beginning of healing, and to help you in the process here are 5 practical reasons to get you started.
Everyone one of us has sinned! Can’t get past that. Sin is very serious. Our sins caused Jesus to experience real suffering. He paid the greatest price for our sins. We are human.We constantly make mistakes that need the Lord to mercifully look past our offenses and to forgive our trespasses. He doesn’t overlook our offense. God has the full understanding of the beings He created and knows our character. That doesn’t even mean that there will be no earthly consequences, (If you put your hand in the fire it will still burn.) but He dismisses the eternal consequences. Jesus has already paid the penalty for your sins. ( Titus 2:14) When you acknowledge your failings and ask God to forgive you for the mistakes you’ve made-He will. (1 John 1:9 ) His forgiveness puts you back in a right relationship with Him again and restores fellowship. Because the Ultimate Judge is willing to forgive our failures, we must in turn be willing to forgive others.
It Hinders The Work of The Holy Spirit In You
Not forgiving is a sin. In Matthew 6:15 it says, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” And if your fault is not confessed and cleansed everyday, it piles up between you and God to hinder your communion, to block your prayers, to taint your testimony, and to grieve the Holy Spirit. So the Lord teaches us here to come daily and confess our sins, asking for forgiveness. (1 John 1:9)
It Puts Your Happiness In Someone Else’s Hand
When you hold on to resentment and bitterness, it becomes a part of who you are. It begins to shape you in ways that you did not intend. Your decisions begin to revolve around the thing that happened to you to the point that your happiness belongs to someone else. If you are not happy and content until the person who hurt you apologizes or makes right the wrong that he did, then your happiness is actually in his hands. Resolve to take your life back. Take responsibility for your own joy and begin the process of forgiveness.
It Will Not Allow You To Move Forward
Forgiveness is a choice, and if you choose to hold on to past hurt and disappointment then you can not move on to a brighter future. Allowing the unfavorable circumstances to win means that you lose. Lose focus lose time and lose opportunities. Learning to forgive means that you recognize that the person who hurt you is just as human and prone to mistakes as you are. It will allow you to grow past the hurt and forgive.
Personal and Spiritual Growth
It is important to forgive if you are wanting to grow spiritually and personally. An unforgiving spirit poisons you with resentment anger and regret. Your spiritual growth depends on the Holy Spirit working in you to shape and mold you to His purpose. You are the image of God and He works in you mightily. As a child of faith, your communion with Him depends on having His Spirit within you. Failure to forgive, hinders the Holy Spirit. He cannot forgive you for your wrongs if you cannot forgive someone else. Your personal growth also sky-rockets as you let go of the past. You are able to build better relationships, better health, and better wealth because you are free of bitterness and frustration. Again, forgiving someone who has hurt you is not easy, but here are some ways to let go daily. Because God loves you, be prompted by love in everything you do.
Let It All Go It’s Not Worth Holding On To! Daily Action Steps
Pray! If you are serious about letting go the hurt then set your intention in prayer. Make it a daily (or hourly) habit of going to God about your situation. Just talk to God – the way you would a friend and tell him what hurts. He will begin to show you ways to cope and release your resentments If possible go to the person who hurt you and tell him how you feel. It’s not about accusing anyone of anything it’s about having your honest say. Once you have said your piece then move on. Be merciful – God is merciful to you. Remind yourself that you are human and imperfect. You would want forgiveness if you made a mistake so show that same mercy to the one who hurt you. Choosing forgiveness challenges you to look beyond your own hurt and to look at the wrongdoer with mercy. It is not an easy thing to do. Forgiveness does not dismiss the fact that you were hurt – whether intentionally or unintentionally but it does open the door to peace.
Are you living with bitterness? Have you been hurt by someone who is supposed to care? Sign up for our Newsletter ” Forgiveness Matters” today. Start your journey to release forgiveness in your life God’s way!
Being a single woman and a Christian can easily become stressful once you discover on your own along with urges and sexual thoughts, and have actually no place to put them. Single individuals of any type of age can easily regularly feel guilt as they attempt to walk the line between faith and desire. I failed much and felt the shame of that failure over and over. Exactly how could I live a life of purity? Why couldn’t I get hold of sex off the brain?
As I learned a lot more of the bible, I stopped dating and stopped having premarital sex. At that time, I equated dating along with sex. I decided to attempt a life of purity. My spirit was willing, yet my flesh was weak. I was no longer seeing anybody, yet I was aching for bodily intimacy. So I started to fantasize and masturbate to fill the void. The problem is that fantasies are not real. Once you have actually had release, you are alone and lonely. Being a single Christian woman was something I hated and didn’t understand Exactly how to deal with. In church, I heard concerning the points that I couldn’t do. I felt that I was going to die alone! I was angry and bitter for years. Everybody told me Exactly how to live a a single woman, yet no one could tell me Exactly how Not to be miserable!
God To The Rescue
Being single and Christian was not the genuine problem. Satan earned me focus so a lot on just what I was missing, that I failed to see just what I had. God had not left me alone and miserable. My being a single person was not a curse or punishment to endure until I could be rescued through marriage. Click To Tweet Since I was seeking, the Holy Spirit gave me the answers I required to live a life of purity and passion. I learned that there is nothing wrong along with me for feeling as I do. I’m not some Christian failure and neither are you. Here are three pointers to recommendations you navigate your sexual desire and to preserve you focused on faith.
Accept that God made your sexual desire and it is GOOD. Your desire is a result of biology and is perfectly healthy. You are a girl and you desire boys. That is healthy. It’s not healthy, however, to pretend that you do not have actually urges. Despite the fact that your urges are natural, it does not mean that you should act on them. Sex was made for marriage. And once the time is right, you will certainly get hold of to experience sex along with your spouse, for the 2 procreation and pleasure. God never ever meant being single and Christian to lead to stress or guilt.
Prayer is the most powerful weapon in the Christian arsenal. We have actually the privilege to call on our loving God that hears every whispered plea. He knows our heartache and those points we want the most. Ask God through prayer to recommendations you through this period in your life. The bible says so a lot concerning the electricity of prayer. Matthew 21:22 says, “If you believe, you will certainly receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” John 15:7 says, “If you continue to be in me and my words continue to be in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will certainly be done for you.” God hears you.Ask Your man for help.
Believe me once I say that you are not the only one going through this and not the last. In my experience, most single Christians are avoiding the topic. They are having sex. They simply don’t talk concerning it. begin a dialog along with somebody of faith that is transparent and will certainly not judge you. all of Christians have actually had a season of singleness. Everybody has actually struggled. Talking concerning your issue allows you to . I have actually a group of faith filled friends that listen to me. I can easily tell them anything. They recommendations me concentrate on the points of God. Don’t be afraid to let individuals understand that you struggle. It can easily open a door for them to admit their own struggles.
Being single and Christian is a terrific season for you. It gives you time to concentrate on the points of God and not worry concerning pleasing a spouse. It gets tricky dealing along with sexual wishes and faith. By accepting your urges, seeking God’s help, and being vocal concerning your struggle you can easily discover balance and peace.
How are you coping along with the 2 single and Christian? just what are your biggest obstacle in dealing along with sexual desire? I would certainly like to hear your thoughts!
Many people believe that once you become a Christian all of your problems disappear, and that you live in some utopian bliss that’s reserved for those called to Christ. They seem to believe that you will remain that way until Jesus calls you from labor to reward.
The reality is that salvation does NOT make you deaf dumb and blind to your past. In fact, that’s just when Satan jumps into the fray, and begins to assault your brand new faith. He causes you to look wistfully at those things you’ve had to give up and makes you blind to all that you are gaining by letting go of the world.
Sex and Single Christians
Single Christians have a harder time, I think, adjusting to a new life in Christ. There are things in their pasts that may still hold some appeal. My biggie? Sex.
Yes, single Christians are to refrain from having sex outside the bonds of marriage and to remain chaste in body and mind until such time. Yep, Bummer.
I like sex, at least what I remember of it. I thought it was the best thing since sliced bread, and really couldn’t fathom having to give it up. I mean, God created sex for mankind’s enjoyment. He must have known that we would take Him up on His gift. Right? So at the beginning of my life in Christ, I became fixated on sex, and on the fact that I could no longer have it. Being single and Christian got complicated. Fast.
I became fixated on the fact that I could not have sex, as a Christian single adult. So naturally, I started to have lots of it. I knew, from my studies, that sin separates us from God. It’s because it’s the exact opposite of His nature. He hates it. (Psalms 5:4) He’s holy, and it’s what He’s known for. (Isaiah 6:3) I thoroughly abused my religious freedom in Christ. I abused the gift of grace for my pleasure. The guilt, however, soon started to catch up with me. I knew that my sinful actions hindered my fellowship God. God is absolutely holy. To have fellowship with Him, is to walk in the light, as He is in the light. I kept telling myself that I as soon as I got the hang of being single and Christian, everything would work out. I just needed time to get sex out of my system, then I would repent and things would be OK. Yeah.
On Singles Ministry
Though having sex regularly, I still went to church, participated in the Christian singles ministry, I sang songs, paid my tithes and took communion. The ministries encouraged us to surround ourselves with Christian friends, and date Christian men and women. I soon found out that there were a few single Christians, like me, who had trouble maintaining their purity. I was going to the singles ministry meetings hoping to find my soul mate, someone who would marry me and take away my guilt. I lived a life outwardly as one who had overcome the world, but my life had never stopped being what it was before I gave my life to Christ.
So why don’t singles ministries address the problem of sexual purity? It felt like a taboo subject. No one ever posed any questions, and the ministry leader never brought it up. I mean, I get all the ‘Thou Shalt Not’ references in scripture, but it just seems that as a single Christian, someone would be honest about their own struggle with celibacy.
On the Consequences
Again, I never stopped attending church or participating in any activities. As I listened to sermons and read my bible, I begin to understand the plan God has for His children. Satan made me feel as if my old life was better than the one I was pursuing. I felt that those, who were outside of the body of Christ, were in fact free and I was a slave.
The Holy Spirit was working with me and began to show me what sex outside of a covenant relationship was doing in my life. I kept studying the word of God and read scriptures on sexual immorality, and the Holy Spirit revealed what that sin was doing to me. He brought out my true motives for having sex, and how that affected aspects of my life. He taught me that:
I felt compelled to have sex. I thought that I had to have sex with a man to catch him and to keep him. If I refused- He walked away.
It caused emotional scars. Sexual relations without the benefit of marriage, took its emotional toll on me. Having sex just to keep a man lowers your self-esteem and confidence.
It jeopardized my physical health. I wasn’t always smart about sexual health and didn’t always take precautions.
It ruined my testimony. I could not share my faith with the men I dated. They didn’t take me seriously, especially after sex… None that I know of have accepted Jesus as their Savior. I have always wondered if I’m directly responsible for that.
I stopped having sex- eventually. The Holy Spirit’s direction led me to real understanding about the wonders of sex in its proper place. I learned about God’s intent for sex and marriage and how He blesses us as we submit to His plan for us. Stick around as I show what scripture taught me about holy sex, and follow me on my journey of divine development in Single Saved and No Sex-Period Part 2
Are you struggling with sex and singleness in your Christian walk? How have you mastered this part of your faith journey? Sign up for the Single Saved and Sex Free Newsletter and begin a lifestyle of Passion Purpose andPurity!